Of the World

As you observed very well the indecency of that inattention, I am sure you will never be guilty of anything like it yourself. There is no surer sign in the world of a little, weak mind, than inattention. Whatever is worth doing at all, is worth doing well; and nothing can be well done without attention. It is the sure answer of a fool, when you ask him about anything that was said or done where he was present, that "truly he did not mind it." and why did not the fool mind it? What had he else to do there, but to mind what was doing?

A man of sense sees, hears, and retains, everything that passes where he is. I desire I may never hear you talk of not minding, nor complain, as most fools do, of a treacherous memory. Mind not only what people say, but how they say it; and if you have any sagacity, you may discover more truth by your eyes than by your ears. People can say what they will, but they cannot look just as they will; and their looks frequently discover what their words are calculated to conceal. Observe, therefore, people's looks carefully, when they speak, not only to you, but to each other.

The most material knowledge of all, I mean the knowledge of the world, is never to be acquired without great attention; and I know many old people, who, though they have lived long in the world, are but children still as to the knowledge of it, from their levity and inattention. Certain forms, which all people comply with, and certain arts, which all people aim at, hide, in some degree, the truth, and give a general exterior resemblance to almost everybody. Attention and sagacity must see through that veil, and discover the natural character. You are of an age now to reflect, to observe and compare characters, and to arm yourself against the common arts, at least, of the world. If a man, with whom you are but barely acquainted, and to whom you have made no offers nor given any marks of friendship, makes you, on a sudden, strong professions of his, receive them with civility, but do not repay them with confidence: he certainly means to deceive you; for one man does not confide in another at sight.

To leave allegory, I tell you very seriously, that I both expect and require a great deal from you, and if you should disappoint me, I would not advise you to expect much from me. I ask nothing of you but what is entirely in your own power; to be an honest, a learned, and a well-bred man. As for the first, I cannot, I will not doubt it; I think you know already the infamy, the horrors, and the misfortunes that always attend a dishonest and dishonorable man. As to learning, that is wholly in your own power; application will bring it about; and you must have it.

Good-breeding is the natural result of common sense and common observation. Common sense points out civility, and observation teaches you the manner of it, which makes it good-breeding.

Though you have not yet seen enough of the world to be well-bred, you have sense enough to know what it is to be civil.

Good-night Sir !

Letters to His Son, by the Earl of Chesterfield, on the fine art of becoming a Man Of The World and a Gentleman; 1901